By Mrs. J.

We aren’t exactly experts in the topic of swinging, we are more of what the kids these days would call nubes, but we have somehow managed to learn a whole hell of a lot along the way. And somehow have become the people others come to for advice. We recently came back from a play trip out east (a much longer story which I will save for a later date). 

On our way back it got me thinking, do you want to be friends with your “friends” in the lifestyle?  Let me backtrack you a little on our journey to the lifestyle. We started this experience on Reddit. I was super self-conscious about my appearance and body. I had only ever slept with my husband. He was my husband, he was supposed to tell me I was pretty! We took it upon ourselves to start posting sexy pictures on Reddit. Well, one thing led to another and one topic led to another and well we found ourselves jumping headfirst into the lifestyle. Some would say we didn’t take things very slowly and when I say we jumped right in, we pretty much dove right in, didn’t pass go, and didn’t collect $200. 

So when a new friend of mine asked if this is what I thought the lifestyle would be like, I had to admit it is nothing like how I thought I wanted it to be. When we were on Reddit and just starting out our journey, I didn’t know who I was talking to on the other side of the screen. They could have lied. They could have been women saying they were men. They could have been men saying they were women. In any event, I didn’t want them to know anything about me. I didn’t want them to know I had a child, what I did for a living, and certainly not where I lived. I was overly cautious of divulging too much information. In fact, in the very beginning, we didn’t even use our real names. 

I can’t tell you how many profiles we have read that have said we are looking for friends inside of the bedroom and out. Our profile included. At first, I was a little skeptical. Did I really want to intermix my personal life with my lifestyle?  Don’t get me wrong, there is an aspect of keeping the two separate that is sexy and appealing to me. I kind of like that it is my “little secret” and no one would guess that the two of us would-be swingers. However, the idea of being friends first and foremost was more appealing to me. 

Then through the course of events, we met an extremely close group of lifestyle friends. And while I will admit it was extremely difficult the first couple of times in being the “outsider” coming into a very tight-knit group, it was exactly what we wanted to see and feel for ourselves. If you would have told me that from the very beginning I would have laughed and said no way is that what I wanted. I was in it for the sex. Period. The end of it. Until I saw what it was like to have a group of friends you could hang out with, that are non-judgmental and were actually your friends inside and outside of the bedroom. It is a friendship greater than surface level. You hit a new level of friendship, a level that shares your most intimate parts. And that is what is worth it for me. 

So the answer to my friend is no, it is nothing like what I thought it would be, it is better. But also, if you are asking me if I think building lasting friendships in the lifestyle is a good idea or not, the answer is most definitely yes.

What about you? Do you feel like crossing “ships” is a good idea or not so much? How do you manage things like privacy, family and other things? We’d love to hear your thoughts. Put them in the comments below.