I’m not sure if we’ve covered this topic or not, but if we have, it should be a topic that is living and breathing. The swingers scene is different city by city and state by state. We decided to update you on our current list of some tips for newbie swingers based off our recent experiences.
We’ve been at it for over 3 years now at The Red Couch and we’ve had some exceptional encounters and we’ve also had some not so exceptional experiences. The more advice we can drop to those just starting to explore the lifestyle, the better. We hope that you have more better experiences than not. We also hope that our posts are resources for those of you who feel like you’re needing that extra piece of advice from a more experienced couple. We by no means have figured things out to perfection, but because we have had a variety of good and bad experiences and worked through them, we have learned quite a few lessons that work for us.
1. Take Things Slow
We’ve heard it said that you should take things as slow as the most cautious person in the room. We tend to agree with this premise. We’ve been in situations where one individual in the couple is more ready to go than the other. This should be a “yellow light” to you as a newbie couple. If one person is on board and the other person isn’t fully ready, it could be disaster ahead. Approach with caution.
Try and make sure you and your partner are not only at the same level but at the same pace. Respect them enough to take it slower than you might have expected. Take steps back if necessary. Ultimately, your relationship is the most important.
2. Use Parties and Events as an Introduction
Stay away from meeting couples one on one online. This might cause you a lot of frustration because there tends to be a lot of pressure in a one on one couples date. Parties and events are a great way to chat with others, dance, have a few drinks and have fun with no real pressure to do anything. You can go to an event and just talk to a few people and get to know them. If you aren’t comfortable with a full swap just yet, you can always just get it on in one of the group rooms. Having sex in front of others might be a hot scene for beginners.
3. Don’t Get Sloppy Drunk
Having a few drinks to loosen up is one thing, but no one likes a sloppy drunk. Not only does it make you look bad, but it fucks with your consent. You can’t say “yes” to something unless you are 100% in control of your judgement. It’s also putting other people in an uncomfortable situation too. No one wants to be the person on the other end of your drunken decision to fuck someone you weren’t even coherent enough to know if you really wanted to fuck them.
4. Communication is Key – No Really
Listen, you already know this. But the problem is you THINK your communication is great until you join the lifestyle. You’ve never had to discuss or talk about these issues before so they will throw you for a loop you never expected. How are you really feeling watching your wife being fucked by another man? Does it intimidate you, knowing your husband is being devoured by another woman? How do you communicate that you’re not interested to another nice, but not attractive couple? All these are situations you might experience and need to talk about. Don’t worry. You will fuck up at some point. Forgiveness is a great tool.
5. Don’t Get Too Deep
Unless you both are seeking polyamory relationships, keep in mind swinging is purely about sex at an agreed upon time between two committed couples – that’s it. You don’t need to be introduced to immediate family or discuss deep subjects on politics or religion. Keep things surface. Once we discover a couple we like is safe, sane and attracted to us – we are good to go. Long drawn out discussions are not sexy and kill the vibe. Keep your meetups short and sweet with an added dose of sensuality. If anything is going deep, make sure its your cock in her pussy.
So what are YOUR tips for newbies? We’d love to hear your advice, suggestions or comments below. Share something that has helped you or a lesson you have learned about the lifestyle!
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1.). Transparency is the key. I prefer to have everyone included in the conversations. Be it KIK, email or texting. Everyone should know what is being said and what the expectations are.
2) Always ask what the other couples rules are prior to play. Different couples have their own ways to experience the LS. Full or Soft swap are also terms that can be misunderstood. Often I hear full swap but we don’t kiss. Or we kiss and oral but no intercourse.
3) We are all people with feelings and desires. Don’t look at anyone especially a “unicorn” as your personal property.
I’m interested in becoming a member
Hi Sharon. We aren’t necessarily a membership group. You can follow all our updates and announcements by signing up on our email list if you haven’t already!