We at The Red Couch have noticed a trend in conversation in the swingers community over the past year – bisexual men. That being said, we affirm that the topic of bisexual men in the swingers community is warranted for us to talk about. So we’d like to open up the discussion of bisexual men in the swinger community and also share a few pieces of our perspective. Our society as a whole has made great strides moving towards acceptance of alternative lifestyles. One would think that the swinger community would be less judgemental, but those of you that have followed The Red Couch know that we call bullshit on that. The lifestyle community isn’t some sort of utopia of accepting, non-prejudiced humans. In fact, swingers are as normal as anyone else and many have strong opinions about religion, politics and sex. We are all human and humans make judgements, good or bad. Becoming free of prejudice, for anyone, takes work and it starts with admitting our prejudices. One of the judgements that needs to be checked at the door of the lifestyle community is the subject of bisexual men.
One thing that struck us when we got into the lifestyle over 6 years ago was the double standard between bisexual women and men. Bisexual women are accepted and even encouraged in the lifestyle, but yet if a bi male comes into the equation they are stigmatized. There have been recorded instances of violence and discrimination towards bisexual men at lifestyle events, parties and clubs. While party promoters continue to exploit the bisexual female to get people to their events, many of the bisexual men are left behind or required to hide their identity for fear of repercussions. The flip side is also applicable. We have talked to several of our friends who have expressed that they felt ostracized if they were a straight couple and that couples with bi females treated them differently. The pressure for legit straight women to be bi in the lifestyle is immense and many of them, unfortunately, are subject to pressure from their partners to play with women, despite the lack of desire to do so. This ultimately can get confusing, so I’ll digress here.
In 2021, where LGBT rights are at the forefront and we in the swinger community are already living a less accepted societal lifestyle – what should we do? Why are we giving bisexual men the cold shoulder? If bisexual women are accepted, shouldn’t bisexual men be as well? From our personal perspective, playing with a bisexual couple [whether the male or female is bisexual] is not required. We are perfectly fine engaging with a completely straight couple, despite the fact that Lynn is bisexual. According to the great sex researcher, Alfred Kinsey, bisexual attraction can vary on a scale. He developed a test called the Kinsey Scale where each number represents a part of the sexual spectrum between 0 [being exclusively heterosexual] and 6 [exclusively homosexual.]
The middle of the spectrum can be described as bisexual. Some have a 50/50 level of attraction. Some individuals lean towards one or the other. I personally can appreciate an attractive male, however I will always lean towards women. Lynn, while she appreciates playing with women, will ultimately lean towards men. We can appreciate anyone’s sexual preference, as long as people communicate and boundaries are accepted.
So here are our tips for creating a more inclusive, open swingers environment for bisexual men:
- Disclose your preferences.
The more bisexual men that are seen, the more accepting it will become. There are many men we’ve met in the lifestyle that are open minded, but we’d never know that until having a discussion about it. Many online couples profiles are not explicit about men’s bisexual preferences because of the stigmatization that still exists.
- Respect others personal boundaries.
If someone says they are not bi, but ok with full swap play then respect that! Touching and putting pressure on others without getting permission is a violation in itself, no matter your sexual preference. No means no and we should always ask if something is ok before we do it anyway.
- Events should be more “bi inclusive”
Promoters should be more inclusive in their imagery and wording in their events. If you’re going to use an image of two women embracing, then why not use an image of two men getting hot in another? The more promoters continue to portray the double standard, the stigma will perpetuate.
So we’re curious what your thoughts are on this subject. Do bisexual men ruin the lifestyle for you? Would you be opposed to a more open culture in the swinger community for bisexual men? Post your comments below. We’d love to hear your thoughts!