Apparently the elusive unicorn in the lifestyle isn’t so elusive. Finding some bisexual female time for the wife seems to be a swingers dream. Many couples are introduced to the swingers lifestyle because the wife is bi or bi-curious and would like to add some sexy “girl time” to their bedroom play. This leads many to seek out a single female who is open to playing with couples, in other terms – the unicorn. They call them unicorns because, even though we’ve seen pictures, we still don’t know if they exist. It seems lots of single bi females might be excited about the idea of playing with a couple, but many of them won’t pull the trigger. We caught up with one that we happened to snag on Reddit. She was kind enough to give us couples some feedback in answering a 5 question interview about what it’s like being a single female that plays with couples.

TRC: For couples wanting to play with a single female, what advice or suggestions would you give them when trying to engage or capture the elusive unicorn?

Treat your potential third as a person, a human being. They are a guest star in your bedroom, not an object. Both partners should be active in engaging with the person you’re interested in.

TRC: What are your absolute turn offs about couples?

My turn offs are mostly things that could be seen as red flags. If the couple can’t communicate clearly with each other, or with me, that’s a deal breaker. If it seems like one half of the couple is more enthusiastic than the other, that’s an issue too. If one person isn’t having a good time, then it’s not fun for anyone.

TRC: What do you do in terms of safety in your lifestyle encounters? As a single female, this must be a concern of yours.

Safety is always on my mind throughout my entire interaction. Top of the list, I don’t drink much when meeting new people. I pay attention to social and non verbal cues to see how they would treat me, and also how they treat eachother. Do they listen when I’m talking, or ask me questions about myself? Then I look to see how open they are with me. Are they willing to share face photos? I pay attention to how forthcoming people are. If a person or couple is being secretive or unwilling to answer questions about themselves or eachother, that’s a red flag to me. When meeting a couple I look up the location and try to get a little familiar with the area. Finally, I usually send my location to a friend telling them I’m on a date. 

Being alert and trusting your gut is a must.

TRC: How were you exposed to playing with couples?

The very first threesome I had was when I was in my early 20’s and dating a man. We were just hanging out with a female friend. It happened spur of the moment, and without much thought or communication. It was terrible. A few years later I wanted to experience a good threesome, so I sought out a couple. This was still in the days of Craigslist. We all met up at a bar and talked for a little. I had amazing chemistry with both the husband and wife. They were very enthusiastic, and really made me feel like they were excited about me, not just about filling in this third spot they were opening up. After that, I almost exclusively meet couples through the internet, mainly Reddit. A few have happened organically in a bar, but I’d say those encounters are very rare.

TRC: I’m sure many couples might be curious if as a single female feelings might get involved. How do you manage to respect those boundaries of the primary couple?

I think part of it is managing expectations. That goes for everyone involved. I come into each new interaction from a friendly place. And I always keep in the front of my mind that these two people are a couple. I always make sure to talk about limits as far as touching or interacting goes. Can I do this with her but not him? What’s off the table for everyone? When starting to play I will take some cues from each partner and also verbally check in. I try to look at it as we’re are all on the same team. If something isn’t working for someone, let’s try something else, or even take a break. It’s always ok to call a time out, get a glass of water, and regroup.

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