The wife and I have been in the LS for over a year now. We’re fast learners and have picked up on a few phrases that seem to be repeated over and over from swingers we meet. Please don’t take us seriously on this post. It’s meant to be tongue in cheek, but isn’t it true though? Here are 7 of the bullshit things swingers say, but we know isn’t true.

1. “We have no expectations.”
Truth: Really? You spent a $70 entrance fee, drove an hour and a half, got dressed to the 9’s and paid the babysitter for the evening and you have zero expectations? We get the fact that there are some people that are in the LS just for the buffets and great DJ’s, but we think this phrase is bullshit. You have to have some expectations, even if its just to meet and greet a few potential playmates. Have you ever heard the phrase, “fail to plan, plan to fail?” The rule applies here. Guys, if you are going through the effort to meet people to fuck, please don’t act like you don’t have expectations.

2. “We never take one for the team.”
Truth: I think we’ve all taken one for the team at some point. Especially after a few drinks. The beer goggles lower the standards that might be a little higher should we have been sober or we just feel the pressure from the moment to perform. So what if she was missing a few teeth? She had a rockin body didn’t she? Don’t bullshit us that you’ve never lowered your standards for the sake of the moment. You have to admit, you put a pillow over her face and went to pound town. Under normal circumstances, you might have not sucked that guy’s dick, but you were so turned on in the moment, you gobbled that shit up. Yea team!

3. “Lifestyle people are non-judgemental.”
Truth: When we first entered the lifestyle, we were looking forward to the open, inclusive community that everyone claimed the lifestyle to be. Only to find that the LS is just like high-school, but worse. When you walk into a lifestyle club or party, everyone sizes you up immediately. You are a fresh piece of ass for the night. You are judged on how big your tits are, how well you’re dressed, and how big your dick is. Hell, some clubs have a strict dress code! They reserve the right to judge who gets in and who doesn’t. Don’t fall for this bullshit. Not only will you judge selectively who you want to fuck, other people will judge you too. Don’t take it personal. The sooner we all admit it and stop saying this bullshit, the better.

4. “I care more about personality than looks.”
Truth: Well meaning, but ultimately bullshit. Phrase usually used by women who don’t want the guy they aren’t attracted to feel bad. The truth is, women aren’t looking for personality in the LS bro. They have “personality” that they married or have at home. They are looking for big dick, abs and hot guys. Same for the men. Looks mean something. Your personality might be bubbly as champagne, but if you look like you just rolled out of bed and haven’t showered in weeks, no dice.

5. “It’s not all about having an orgasm.”
Truth: We call bullshit on this statement. It’s usually used by hippie, tantra couples that want to appear laid back and non-pushy. The thinking is that the LS is all about pleasure and, if it feels good, that is what matters. “Everyone doesn’t need to cum.” While we some what agree with this statement, we think this is bullshit. We’ve been in situations where only one person cums and the rest are left hanging. Not a good lifestyle experience. Let’s face it guys, we aren’t interested in fucking for 2 hours with no orgasm.

6. “We are a low mileage couple.”
Truth: This cliche is infamous in the lifestyle, often used by women and couples who want to downplay the actual numbers of people they fuck on a monthly basis. “Low mileage” for a swinger couple means they only fuck between 10-12 couples a month. The term is relative. We understand you don’t want to appear slutty to that newbie couple you wanna get with, but we aren’t buying your bullshit. You both are perverted kinksters that fuck like bunnies. Don’t hide it.

7. “We never get jealous.”
Truth: What you really mean is that you’ve been in the lifestyle so long fucking other people, you don’t REMEMBER getting jealous. Your memory is shot. Take us back to those first few months in the LS, to the time you first witnessed another man fucking your wife like a dirty whore. Listening to her say things she never said with you in bed and how he gave her that leg shaking orgasm you never witnessed before. Remember that ounce of jealousy then? Couples bullshit when they say they never get jealous. The truth is if you never, ever get jealous, then maybe you don’t really care.

What are the bullshit phrases you’ve heard before? Fill us in on where you heard it and why you think it’s bullshit. Leave them in the comments below.