One of the building blocks of relationships is trust and honesty. Ok…maybe those are two different building blocks, but you can’t have trust in relationships without honesty in relationships. Honesty breeds trust, and trust is a commodity these days. I like how John Maxwell, the leadership expert, explains it. Trust is like pocket change, hard to acquire but easy to lose. You might give up a few pieces of trust from your pocket, but ultimately you’ll need to work harder to gain the trust of those whom you’ve broken trust with if you end up losing it.
Over our term in the lifestyle, we’ve seen a myriad of variants with trust. Some couples have a huge amount of trust and know for certain their partner would stay loyal even in the midst of a great temptation. Other couples have experienced the unfortunate moment where trust is broken because one partner decided to hide their wants, desires or actions from the other for various reasons. It could be because of fear of a negative reaction from the other, or it could be simply because the offending partner is an unredeemable piece of shit and is intentionally deceptive and a complete fuck up.
Why someone would want to lie and cheat in the lifestyle is beyond us. Here, you have the opportunity to be as open, honest and transparent as ever in your life. Sex is such an intimate thing, to share your deepest, darkest secret fantasies with the person you love is ultimately the greatest form of intimacy. So for someone to violate the trust of another within the confines of a ethical non-monogamous relationship, to us, is the ultimate piece of shit.
Where is trust breeched in situations like this? Here are some examples we believe you are fucking up in your already hot swinger relationship:
• You hit people up on the side for sex without your partners consent.
You’ve never talked to your spouse or partner about fucking this person. This makes you a chicken shit, coward motherfucker. Especially when all you need to do is communicate your desire to the person you love. More than likely, your partner would give their consent – you just wanna fuck around. No bueno.
• You break swinging rules you’ve set between you and your partner.
You’ve both decided that condoms are a must if you are fucking other people. You decide, in your session with another, that you wanna give him the opportunity to go raw. Maybe you feel bad for him, or maybe you just love the feeling of a raw dick busting a load inside your deep, wet pussy. Either way, you are violating the boundaries set by you and your partner. Good luck and hope you have fun trying to explain to your partner why he saw his raw dick pumping your pussy. This applies to other rules too. We just chose this one, but you know you both have your own.
• You just met your partner, but you are already trying to push them into a swingers situation.
Seriously? You’re that much of a manipulative piece of shit? You just met on Tinder a few weeks ago and already are making the suggestion to swing with other people together? What kind of message does this send? Don’t get me wrong – if the feeling is mutual, then everything is all good. However, I just can’t see someone jumping to an exclusive FWB situation to “Hey, wanna go to a swinger club with me and possibly fuck other people?” If you are good with that, great. But more than likely you’re not earning any points here and just putting pressure on the other. Ultimately, they will concede, but you’ll have to deal with the repercussions later.
• You secretly harbor a sexual desire.
Ok, so you wanna be pegged by a woman. Why not communicate that to your wife? Who better to fuck you in your ass than her? Do you know how many women would find that such a turn on to take a dominate position with her husband? Not to mention, ass play is nothing to feel taboo about. Many men love having their ass played with and also love to be penetrated. If it’s not your thing, that’s cool. But if you’re curious about something sexual in the bedroom, make sure you communicate this to your spouse or partner. Just pour a glass of wine for you both and have a late night discussion about some of the things you would like to try. Trust me, you won’t regret it. Even if they shut you down and the answer is no, you will bring both of you closer – no one can fault you for that.
• Lastly, you just stretch the truth.
You’re not completely lying to your spouse. You just aren’t giving them the whole picture. Instead of telling them the truth about that other couple’s situation – you just tell them a bit of the story. It’s true they are an open swinger couple, but you failed to mention they are only soft swap to your partner. This can lead to a huge amount of problems.
Let’s just be honest guys! There is absolutely no reason for you to be participating in the swing lifestyle and still feel the need to hide things from your partner. If you fear the reaction from your partner, then maybe there are deeper issues that need to be addressed before you start on the path of inviting others into your playtime. We have found it freeing to be completely open and transparent in our relationship when it comes to sex, we hope you are able to find the same place in your own lives.