Telling Your Friends You Are Swingers

We all have friends that are in the lifestyle and then we have those we lovingly refer to as our vanilla friends on the outside. Let’s be clear, not everyone in our life knows about our dynamic. But, for those that do know about our lifestyle, it amazes me the amounts of questions they have for me about it. It’s almost as if they cannot believe they know someone who has such a “wild and crazy” life. My favorite is when they whisper questions to me because they don’t want anyone else to hear. I have to say, this makes me laugh every single time. After all, we are adults. I am often asked a few of the same questions over and over. I am curious how many others in the lifestyle, get the same kind of questions?

My first question is how did you get involved? Was it your partner’s idea? It is as if they want to blame my husband for being a sexual deviant. That’s not fair and definitely my favorite to defend.

Then they ask, how do you meet people? Are there secret clubs in the community or is it online? Do you have rules in your relationship? What happens if your partner wants to do something you don’t? Do you have an open relationship? The questions can go on and on. These are questions I always answer.

I have always said education is the key to everything. There is one point I always make amidst the array of questions. I stress the importance of communication between my partner and myself. It’s not just about parties and sex. It is about trust and communication between us FIRST. We talk all the time about everything. There are no secrets or feelings we don’t discuss. We each have red flags we communicate and we respect them. There have been times where we’ve met people that one of us aren’t comfortable with. No matter what, we respect the decision of the other and that’s it.

I think vanilla people are intrigued by the notion that when one says no, that means no. I often compare it to something vanilla in their relationship. Is there communication in their relationship? I would hope so for their sake. So why is this so different? When they can see a little similarity, it starts to be more real to them and they understand we are not so different. We just have a different lifestyle and secretly, maybe a little more fun. 🙂

Here are 5 damn good tips to coming out to your vanilla friends:

1. Make sure those you tell are open minded.

2. Those you love you for you will accept you no matter what you tell them.

3. Have a high level of trust in the people you tell.

4. Communicate to them this is the way you live your life but you don’t expect them to join or follow suit, you just want them to know your life better.

5. Communicate you enjoy this as a couple. You are in this together.

What are yours? We’d like to hear your “coming out” stories.

 

PNT SexyCPL

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