Consensual non-monogamy. Swinging. The lifestyle. Whatever you may call this journey makes no difference; the only thing that matters is how it changes you, how it changes your relationship, and how it changes your life. My husband and I were raised in an ultra-conservative religious church denomination. We were raised to be believe that purity was paramount, a huge part of godliness. So important, in fact, that we were both virgins when we married sixteen years ago. I know, I know it’s crazy to think that anyone would reserve sex for marriage especially after dating for six years and it’s even crazier to think that we would end up in the lifestyle fifteen years later! But here we are sixteen years in and eighteen months past our first experience. It’s a journey that has been amazingly fun while also creating the opportunity for quite a bit of self discovery.
When you grow up like we did, you don’t quite realize everything everything you knew nothing about! In the very early days of our journey it was all about the fun and let’s be honest the hot sex! It reignited a flame in us that had been struggling to burn. We had a decent amount of sex, better than many of our friends, but it was mundane. The lifestyle changed all of that. Suddenly we were having sex multiple times a day and experimenting with new things like role play and real dirty talk. It was tantalizing. I felt sexier than I had in my entire life. My body, even after four babies, was still sexual and sexy. People, not just men but women too, wanted me. It gave me a confidence that I had never felt. This new confidence began opening doors to me that I would have never thought possible.
During one of our early experiences a couple asked if I had ever been able to squirt. Squirt? What’s that? How does that happen? Surely real women don’t actually do that, just porn stars! I did some research and quickly learned that there was so much I didn’t know but I wanted to try. I patiently waited for an afternoon when I’d be alone in the house and could try experimenting without interruptions. Now, remember that conservative upbringing that taught no sex before marriage? My church had also taught that masturbation was withholding from your spouse. By this time in our journey, the lifestyle had taken away that taboo. Our experiences had allowed me to feel comfortable enough with myself to experiment with my own body. That day I learned I was capable of something I didn’t even know was possible.
The lifestyle has afforded me a freedom I didn’t know I was missing. It has given me the self-confidence to listen to my body and what it needs, from myself and my partners. It has made me feel sexy and in touch with myself as a woman. The self-discovery that has come with this confidence boost has made me learn things about myself I never knew, things I didn’t know that I needed to know. Because of this confidence I’m a better communicator with my husband. I am more willing to speak up for my needs and wants. I am more honest with myself.
Has the lifestyle changed you in ways that you didn’t see coming? Has it has surprising affects on your relationship?
I look forward to what the future holds along this exciting journey we are all taking.