5 Damn Good Pieces of Advice for Swinger Newbies

5 Damn Good Pieces of Advice for Swinger Newbies

Although we can’t be sure, we realize there is a good percentage of people that read our blog that might be married or in a relationship and are brand spankin new to the idea of swinging. First let us tell you welcome to the wonderful, sexy world of the swinger lifestyle! This can be an exciting moment in your relationship, but also a quite scary place to be as a couple. For some couples, they have open communication from the jump of their relationship, making it an easy transition into the lifestyle. For others, it takes a while for that couple to actually open up to each other at the risk of being judged, misunderstood or flat out rejected. Before we get into our advice for newbies, we assume a couple things. We assume you’re in a long term committed relationship. That means you have stuck it out through ups and downs and you feel that your relationship can weather the storm of the emotional and physical highs and lows the lifestyle brings into your life. (We don’t recommend the lifestyle for newly formed couples that have just met on Tinder last week and are dating to see if this will work out. While you both might totally be cool with fucking other people, it’s probably not a good foundation to build your future life together on.) Lastly, we assume there is genuine love between you two. Love that would say, “I choose you above anyone else in this room right now should it come down to it.”

With that said, here are a few of our pieces of advice for newbie couples wanting to try to add some swing to their bedroom:

1. Start with a soft swap
A soft swap is a term that means “everything is on the table except sex.” This includes kissing, fingering, sucking and oral. This can often be a good place to ease into things because this might be the first time you see your man sucking face with another person. You don’t know how you’re going to feel. Will you be jealous? Will it turn you on? Will it be both? Be careful with starting with a soft swap though and be clear of your boundaries. A soft swap can go too far quickly. Stick to your rules.

2. Attend meet and greets
A “meet and greet” can be a great no pressure environment to meet new people. They usually take place in venues where there is food and drink in a public setting. This gives you guys a chance to meet other like minded couples and actually talk with no expectation of anything happening. You can see that there are actual sexy, normal, married couples just like you in the lifestyle. This will help ease your mind that your crazy. You’re not. Trust me. There are lots of others out there like you and you can meet them in person at meet and greets.

3. Over-communicate
Some couples think they communicate well, and some do. But just because you’ve communicated well in the past, doesn’t mean you communicate well in this area. After all, this is a first for you guys. Maybe you’ve talked about it, but now you’re bringing your fantasies into reality. We find with couples we meet there is usually an outgoing one and a quite one in the pair. It’s important that you consider your spouses needs, wants and desires. Creating a safe environment for them to openly share what they want to happen and voice what they aren’t ready for. Once they do, a loving response is paramount to keeping the lines of communication open. If you snap in a fit of jealous rage, they will have a hard time opening up to you again.

4. Don’t get swept up in the shenanigans.
When you go to swinger parties you are mixing emotions, passions and often alcohol. Go into events with a plan. Swingers often say you shouldn’t have expectations, but we think this is bullshit. Certainly you shouldn’t have expectations to fuck just anyone, but you absolutely should have a game plan going into an evening out. We have a “yes, no, or maybe” signal we give each other when discussing our interest in a particular couple. Sometimes its a hard, “fuck yes!” Other times its a “maybe, I need to get to know them better.” Still other times, it’s a “nope!” Hold your shit together. Don’t drink too much and try and keep your swag as much as possible.

5. Find a “friends only” couple that you could talk to.
Some people we’ve met had a “mentor” couple to help them get initiated. Sometimes it’s good to have a couple that has been in the LS for a while to help you process things or give you some advice. Sure some things you’re only going to share with your spouse, but a couple that you’re friends with can be a valuable resource. They should know all the clubs, know some of the people and give you some tips to make your experience a good one. Stay away from fake profiles and sketchy couples that won’t share face pics online, won’t give out their number or want to meet up with you in a forest preserve or dark parking garage. None of those things are necessary and are signs you’re being fooled into something. There are some great, serious and quality people out there for you to get to know. Many are happy to help you, no strings attached.

We realize this just scratches the surface. What are YOUR newbie tips that we haven’t covered here? Give us some practical advice in the comments below. Looking forward to hearing them!

The Red Couch
The Red Couch is a sexy lifestyle page exclusively for married couples run by Lynn N Sev. We are a married couple of 10 years that have discovered new and fantastic ways to keep our relationship hot and sexy. We actually have a red couch that we acquired when we first got married in 2008. It was sexy and still is, but we rarely get use out of it anymore! The Red Couch symbolizes for us the fun and adventure married couples should have with your sex life.

We would like to share our thoughts with other, like minded and open couples looking for advice and tips on how to navigate the adult lifestyle world and keep their relationship full of adventure and spice.

1 thought on “5 Damn Good Pieces of Advice for Swinger Newbies

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *